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Dear Mahogany, I want more sex.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. He is 49 and I am 32. He is never in the mood. Never any expression of passion or desire. I would say we have sex maybe 3 times a year. He has been checked out by the doctor and all is really fine. He doesn’t have any problems with erection of stamina.

Not only is it not enough sex for me, but it makes me feel abnormal for wanting more sex. It affects my self esteem as well. After expressing this problem for many years with no change I feel like it is just a dead end!! And I am trying not to cheat on him or anything like that.

Am I abnormal for wanting more sex? Please help.

-Grace, 32


Dear Grace,

Honey, you are not abnormal for wanting more sex! If anyone is abnormal in this situation, it is your husband.

Sex is not a seasonal or an annual sporting event that should be spaced out to a mere three (3) times a year. That’s hardly enough sex to keep any passion in your relationship.

Ask yourself these,

  • Has your relationship always been bland?
  • Is he attracted to you at all?
  • Is this situation different from when you were courting?

Although popular religion and societal norms frown at pre-marital sex, knowing your libido type, sexual preferences etc should be a priority for any long term relationship, especially marriage.

READ: KNOWING YOUR LIBIDO TYPE

Romantic relationships and marriage relies on attraction, desire and intimacy to stay relevant and interesting. Clearly, your marriage lacks all three (3) of these and we can’t blame you for thinking of cheating on him.

But before you do anything rash, please know that cheating even in a sexless marriage is not justified. If you have kids, you are about to jeopardize their emotional health and their future. Even if you don’t, cheating breeds bad blood in a marriage and drives a wedge between you two. So ask yourself, is it worth it to cheat and ruin everyone’s lives? Isn’t it better to go your separate ways?

An unfulfilling marriage is an unfulfilling life to live, even with the best intentions.

Love,

Mahogany


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