Dear Mahogany,
How do I make my husband choose having sex with me over masturbating? This is a nasty habit and these days, it’s getting frustrating. When we were dating he said it was because I was not around him, but we have been married for 18 months now and he is yet to drop this bad habit. His defense is that it’s occasional. What do I do? I can’t even bring myself to have sex with him.
Peace 31.

Dear Peace,
Thank you for reaching out to us. For starters, you cannot stop a man from masturbating, you can only re-appeal to his other sexual preferences. Masturbating to men is like a child playing with his favorite toy, It’s difficult to keep them apart. From your message your husband has been masturbating for over 18 months you know about, chances are he may have started masturbating sooner than you knew and it may be a habit. Your husband masturbating does not mean he is no longer interested in you sexually or you don’t seem attractive anymore. Masturbation should not affect the quality and quantity of sex you have with your partner. Studies revealed that sexually satisfied and understanding couples tend not to place emphasis on their partner’s sexual habits such as masturbation.
Masturbation may be a No for you, but it also has it’s own benefits. Masturbation for most men is a way of relieving stress, it serves as a form of relaxation and can also help increase guys’ sexual appetite. But excessive masturbation can reduce a man’s libido. Masturbation is healthy: as much as it is encouraged in women, it should not be condemned in men. However, if this habit nauseates you completely I suggest you have a discussion with your husband concerning this habit and how it makes you feel, at the same time putting his sexual satisfaction into consideration. This is the first step to knowing what makes him masturbate and how it affects your marriage. Don’t take away the sex from your relationship, I suggest you bring back the sex, spice it up and have your conversation after. I hope this works for you.

Love,
Mahogany.

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