Dear Mahogany,

I hope this finds you well. I have been in a relationship with this guy for 10 months now, things are going on well and the sex is awesome but the problem is from me. I love being called nasty names during sex, names like dirty little bitch, whore or bitch. This does not mean I do not have respect for my body or stuffs like that, but it turns me on and makes me put real effort in pleasing my lover. But, my boyfriend has refused to do that, he prefers calling me baby or other sweet names and in as much as it feels great, its not a major turn on. I just need him to call me those names during sex only and not outside the bedroom. How do I convince him. PS: I’m a feminist and I do not know if its normal.

Kate, 27

Dear Kate,

Thanks for reaching out to us. Your preference is not queer as most women love being called names in the bedroom especially when playing the part of a Submissive. Some men do not enjoy calling their partners names they consider demeaning. His mental image of you might be that of a princess and not a slut so he may find it repelling calling you names for things he may not see you as, even for the period of sex.

I would suggest you talk to him extensively about it and explain how it fuels your sex drive, remember that those nasty names are just for the bedroom and to spice up your sex life and nothing more, have him try it out and see your reaction to it, I’m sure he would be amazed.

Most couples spice up their lives with role play. A little bit of role play in the bedroom can work wonders. Playing out characters that can say some words to each other can make it easier for him to try out.

Remember, patience and understanding is of paramount importance, give it time and things will be easier. Having unfulfilling sex with  a partner you see a future with may trigger problems in the relationship. I hope this helps you out in your sex life.

Love,

Mahogany.

 

 

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