The fun of having a friends with benefits relationship is the joy of having no commitment to your partner or friend as the case may be. There is a difference between having a FWB relationship and no strings attached. The former is a more common case, friends who want to keep being friends but with the sex involved and just having sex without any form of attachments. Achieving a plain FWB relationship is not always easy but there are steps to make sure you are doing it Right.
- Pick the right friend
When choosing a friend for a FWB you may want to think about what the spice of sex may do to your relationship, does it make it awkward, sizzling or make you want to be in a relationship. Your best friend may not be the perfect option, or your course mate, neither will your co-worker or neighbour be the best option. How about the friend to your cousin’s friend; quite distant and complicated, but that may seem like the perfect option.
- Be clear about your needs
It’s best to have a conversation beforehand stating what you are looking for in the relationship before things get a little complicated. Being open with your friend as to your needs can save you a lot of stress, listening to your friend communicate his/her needs is important as that allows you to come to an understanding. Do not agree to terms you may not be comfortable with, that’s the essence of communication.
- Feelings might get involved
Wanting a FWB relationship means that commitment may not be what you are searching for, but in some cases feelings start to pop up, the excitement of intimacy may kick in from you or your partner. You should not expect it to become a full-fledged relationship at once, if you are not on the same page with your partner, it is advisable to think things through and reevaluate the relationship.
- Use protection
Please and please ladies, this is the most important of them all. Remember that you both did not sign up for monogamy no matter how smooth you think your relationship is going. Condoms are a must have and should be used, don’t be afraid to voice out your needs and fears. It’s a mutual relationship with benefits, so hell yea, don’t be too shy to use lubes to keep the spark on going.
- Set boundaries
A FWB relationship can seem tricky, sometimes desire may lead to love or obsession. It is important to set boundaries in your relationship. How often will you see each other, which questions are not to be asked, how much time do you need to spend with each other? Do you want your partner spending the night- leaving belongings at your place, or calling you incessantly to discuss frivolities? Having an established agreement will help keep things less complicated.
- Avoid PDA
Baby girl, you may want to keep the public display of affection to a minimum. Saying something and acting in the opposite way can be quite confusing. It is best you stay detached and cordial in public or it may progress to a romantic relationship which may not be what you are searching for.
- Don’t make him a substitute
You may get carried away with the thrill of the sex and friendship and decide to make him a substitute partner. You are friends and all that but hey, think twice before inviting him as your partner to a double date, a girlfriend’s wedding as your partner or even a dinner date. Casual is the keyword in FWB, going to the movies can be cool but make sure your relationship still remains defined.
- Reassess when you feel jealous
Even in the most casual of Friendships, feelings may occur. If you feel yourself getting jealous in this kind of situation, you may want to speak up, it is best you evaluate that relationship and deal with your emotions head-on before it builds up to resentment. In most cases, its best to end the relationship before it gets uncontrollable.
- It’s not all about sex
Before choosing your FWB partner, chances are you did not select a random stranger, you must have had something in common, spent time together as friends and enjoyed each others company. The involvement of sex does not mean you should stop hanging out as friends again, it is healthy you remain friends in spite of the sex.
- Don’t be shy to say you want more
While you should never enter an FWB arrangement with someone you actually want to date — Don’t sell yourself short! — some FWBs do become partners. That can only happen if someone speaks up, though, so if you want a greater commitment from your FWB, say so. If you two are on the same page, awesome. If not, then you have the knowledge you need to move on to look for a connection that truly makes you happy.