Dear Mahogany, My mom condemns victims of sexual abuse.
A few days ago, my mom and I were watching a TV series, where a girl was raped by her dad, and she got pregnant for him. My mom was the first to make a comment, but I wish she didn’t, because what she said had me so bitter, even till now.
Could you believe she blamed the girl? And from the story it wasn’t the girl’s fault. I mean why would you even blame the victim?
Anyway, she blamed the girl, and even went further to insult the girl. I was so disgusted, I couldn’t even believe, that was my mom saying all those things.
I couldn’t watch the movie anymore, I just stood up and left my mom to watch the movie all by herself. I have not spoken to her since then. I don’t even want to see her. What she said was very hurtful. I have never been raped before, but with all the orientations and awareness, I have an idea of what the victims go through. She should have never said those things.
This issue is now affecting my relationship with her, it has really changed the way I see her. Now I look at her differently. I really don’t know what to do. I just wish she had kept quite and not said anything.
It’s good to know that you have maintained your cool throughout the whole situation. But you need to understand that your mom is among the numerous percentage of Nigerians who believe, that victims of sexual abuse should be blamed, regardless of whatever reason.
It’s really not their fault. Hopefully their orientation can be changed with a lot of awareness and sensitization. You could also help in sensitizing your mom through communication. It is really important that you do not let anger get in the way, as that could affect your relationship with your mother.
Also try to understand her point of view, the same we do not want sexual abuse victims to be judge or victimized, is the same way you shouldn’t judge your mom based on her perception. You and your mom should also read, why victims of sexual abuse keep mute to help her understand more.