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Dear Mahogany,

I want a dildo but he says no.

I have a boyfriend that I really love and loves me too. We started dating this year and we have been like any normal couple. We are cool, but we also have our fights and arguments.

Recently sex has become more like an adventure from on my part. I am opened too new things, new positions, new techniques, and also sex toys.

I can tell my boyfriend enjoys the new me, and our sex life has been on point. Until I told him I wanted a dildo. At first he laughed it away, because he thought I was joking. I didn’t say anything I just let it slide.

Another day, I told him I wanted a dildo again, and that he should even be the one to get it for me. My boyfriend took offence, I have never seen him that way. He was so upset, he said I wanted to cheat on him with a plastic. Like really “cheat”. I was even trying to calm him down and explain that the dildo was for our fun, but he wouldn’t listen.

Anyway I discussed the issue with one of my male friends who I’m really cool with, and he said he would get me a dildo. I went to boyfriend’s place the other day and his friends where there. I brought up the topic to ask for their opinions. I asked them how they would feel if their girlfriends wanted a dildo. I was amazed at the replies I got. They all had negative vibes to their girlfriends having a dildo, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I mean this is 2017.

What even scared me the most was when I asked how they would feel if another guy got their girlfriend a dildo. They all said they would break up with the girlfriend, that it means she has been complaining to another guy that he wasn’t satisfying her enough. I was shocked. I don’t even get the perspective they see this issue from.

But the truth is that I really want a dildo, I need it badly. How do I go about this issue in other to satisfy myself and my boyfriend’s ego?

Rachael 27


Hi Rachael,

Your boyfriend and his friends represent a large percentage of men and the insecurities that inflate their ego and ruin their relationships. The idea that anything or anyone else can pleasure you seems to take something out of their masculinity. Don’t hold it against him or them. They were brought up to think that way.

What you can do is educate him on the different way a dildo can be used.

The general attitude towards sex toys and the people who use them is not very friendly.  Most people tend to think that people who use them do so alone, at night and out of frustration or in just in absence of a “penis”. They need to be educated to know that sex toys or dildos can be used by both men and women, alone or with their partners.

One way you can do this is by dropping hints. Show or send him pictures that describes how you intend to use the dildo with him. A major fuel of his insecurity is the fear of exclusion. He hates the idea because he thinks having a dildo will render him useless in your life or that it will make you “wild” and insatiable and in turn, you will leave him.

You should let him know that this could strain your relationship

Relationships are a lot more fun when there’s communication and acceptance. It translates to a good, satisfying sex life. If he lets his ego get in the way, this will put a strain on your relationship and future conversations about your sex life. That can go from boring to stale in an heartbeat.

Whatever you do, don’t sacrifice your needs for an inflated ego. If he loves you, he will make the effort to understand why you need a dildo.

Love,

Mahogany

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