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Dear Mahogany,

It seems like anal sex is the new trend, and I just can’t deal. Honestly, it seems there is a new era of sex, and I’m finding it hard to keep up.

I have a very low threshold for pain, and stories I’ve heard depict anal sex as very painful. Even though my boyfriend is good to me, very understanding, and sweet. He doesn’t pressure me much for anal sex. I still feel very bad, because it seems like I’m denying him something he really wants.

I read stories almost every day on social media about how guys enjoy anal sex, and other sex conquest. But I just can’t handle it.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to try it, I really want too. I sounds like fun and something I can enjoy once I can get over the pain. But it’s the pain I’m worried about. Is there a way I can get through anal sex without the initial pain?

Is it going to change my body in any way? I heard that once you start, your anus expands and you start leaking. Is this true?

Are there any other alternative sex positions we can try? I really do need help because I’m scared of losing my man to some other girl who is cool with this.

Is there an exercise I can try to reduce the initial penetration pain?

Is there a different type of foreplay for anal sex, like fingering or something?

I also heard you might experience some form of bleeding while at it. Is this true?

I’ve read your article on vaginismus and it really helped me a lot, but this is a whole new dimension. Please Mahogany, I really need your help as soon as possible.

Silvia 32.


Dear Silvia

Thanks for reaching out on this topic. We have gotten similar questions in the past and no, you are not alone in your worries.

Anal sex is not as painful as people make it out to be. The level of pain totally depends on the size of the man’s penis and the amount of lubrication used.

Yes, a little preparation may help. You can prepare yourself by slowly inserting your fingers in there one after the other. This will get your body to relax and get used to penetration. Do this overtime with your boyfriend till you both get comfortable with it.

The common myths on anal sex are results of fear and different body reactions. Yes, it will change your body because the anal cavity is not accustomed to taking things in as much as it is intended for pushing things out.

However, this does not mean any permanent change or damage to your body. If you do it right and with care, your body will adjust to it and you should be fine.

Because of the sensitivity of the vagina and how close it is to that region, we would advise that you maintain the same level of protection and hygiene as you would with vaginal sex.

  1. Wear a condom.
  2. Wash before and after
  3. Don’t have anal sex with someone whose sexual health history you are not sure of

On a side note, don’t let fear ruin your relationship. Instead of overthinking about your sex life with your boyfriend, you could try talking to him about what he likes and what you are comfortable with. 

Love,

Mahogany.

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