The first, and most important thing that I want to say, is that there is nothing wrong with you. Let me say that one more time. There is nothing wrong with you. It’s okay to be curious about your body. It’s okay to explore your body. It’s okay to masturbate. It’s okay to have sexual desires and feelings. It’s okay to be with other people sexually when that’s something everyone involved wants. It’s okay to be attracted to any gender, or to be any gender. What you need is the courage to overcome sexual repression and shame.
In a perfect world, anyone struggling with their sexuality would read that and think “Oh, okay! I have nothing to worry about then,” and from there on out accept themselves and struggle no more. Unfortunately, though, we don’t live in a perfect world, and while those words you just read may ease the struggling a little bit, they aren’t magic.
Coming to terms with the fact that being a sexual person is, in fact, okay, may take some time, but the fact that you searched for and found this article and website is a good start and a step in the right direction. It means you’re likely questioning whatever it is you’ve been taught about sexuality and it being a bad thing. So, though I hope that me telling you that being a sexual being is okay would be enough to convince you, I’m going to give you some steps to take in order to help yourself in case it didn’t.
Re-evaluate you beliefs
It takes a lot of re-orientation for you to realign your beliefs to suit your physical and mental needs as an adult. The main reason why this my seem tiring and almost impossible is because of doctrines that we grew up with, what we call “home training”. Topics like virginity and masturbation should no longer be taboo. Becoming sexual awareness encourages you to challenge these topics. Your self worth shouldn’t be tied to a piece of flesh. Touching yourself and pleasing yourself should not make you feel ashamed. It’s your body and you should learn how it works and how to love it.
Important: Remove negative beliefs that affect you mentally or limit you physically.
Deal with the sources of your sexual repression or shame
For most people, sexual repression and sexual shame stem from between one and three places: family, religion, culture. Depending on how strongly you identify with whichever source(s) that cause(s) the repression, the level of difficulty with dealing with it may vary. Altering your religious beliefs to fit your sexual identity may be extremely beneficial to some. Others may feel the need to distance themselves completely from the religion they feel represses them. Others may have difficulty doing either of those things because they believe they cannot question anything about their religion. No matter which category (if any) you fall into of the three, searching inside yourself about why you feel the way you do will help you to better come to terms and accept yourself for who you are.
It can be similar for culture. If you live in a culture where sex is taboo, you may need to call into question how strongly you relate to that culture, and whether or not you can adapt it to fit to yourself. And don’t forget: culture is made of people, and cultures have often had shifts or changes in their pervasive beliefs, including around sexuality.
Take things slow.
Work up to sexual experiences as you work through your feelings. If sex is joyless, emotionally uncomfortable or not pleasurable in the beginning, don’t fret. Don’t try to force yourself into it for the other person’s sake. Usually, that spells more trouble in the future. It will get better in time, but just make sure that time is at your own, comfortable, pace.
Tell yourself there’s nothing wrong with how you feel and what you’re doing, because as long as you’re being safe, and all parties involved have given clear consent, and you’re not doing anything illegal, there isn’t anything wrong with it.
Remind yourself whenever need be that sex and sexuality are normal, healthy parts of the human experience, that masturbation isn’t wrong, or that it’s perfectly fine to be attracted to any gender.
Talk to someone.
If you’re unable to work through any struggles you may be having by yourself, talking to a professional who has specific training in sexuality can be a good option. They’ll help you work through your emotions and experiences and get to a point where you have a healthy relationship with your sexuality and totally overcoming sexual repression.
Remember, you can ask Mahogany anything and we will keep you anonymous while we help you find the help you need.